Some Memories of Nick

I received some sad news – Nick, my step-grandfather passed away yesterday morning. He was in his nineties, and his health has been failing for awhile, so it did not come as a total shock. However, when my mom first told me, I didn’t really know how to feel. Of course I was sad, but I didn’t cry, and to be honest my mind was pretty blank. My thoughts went to Mom and Jim who spent the last 6 years taking care of him better then a parent could hope for. The years have been an adventure with Nick since he moved back to California, and he certainly left us with a lot of memories.

Later I went for a long run/walk and on my way back home my thoughts started wandering to my times with Nick. Suddenly, without warning, all emotions rushed to the surface, the two actions of crying and laughing were fighting for control of my face. You see, there is a lot to laugh about when I think of Nick, and this is certainly how I’d like to remember him.

He was a cantankerous old guy, with a heart of gold. Before I went to Japan, I had met him a handful of times – of course at Mom’s wedding to Jim, but then later when we went to Colorado to see his family and him, and another time in Danville which sticks out in my head to this day. He was driving out from Colorado, and we were expecting to see him on Sunday morning. The four of us – Mom, Jim, Stacy and I, went to a movie the Saturday of the same weekend to celebrate Stacy’s birthday. We came back to the house that night to about 10 messages on the answering machine. Every single one of them was from Nick, and he was getting angrier by the message. Apparently he had arrived into town a day early and was PISSED that we were not home. He did not know where the new house was located, so therefore didn’t know where to go and proceeded to call the answering machine and yell each time – WHERE ARE YOU? THIS IS NICK. I AM HERE. Only with each message he got considerably more belligerent and infused his message with as many swear words as possible. Fortunately he found the local pizza place, and they took pity on him – the pizza boy delivered Nick to our house that night.

Later, when I returned from Japan in 2000 is when I really got to know Nick. Both he and I were living at my Mom’s house for awhile, while I was job-hunting. Nick had moved out from Colorado and was staying with them until they found housing in a retirement apartment for him. Needless to say this was a challenging time for all of us I think – but we made it work.

Everyday Mom and Jim went to work and Nick and I were left to fend for ourselves. If I slept in later then he liked, he would make sure to get me up. I would spend the mornings job-hunting until he would come into the office and announce LUNCH. Oh, I forgot to mention – Nick was extremely hard of hearing. The week I moved in with them it was immediately apparent that I had to buy a cell phone. I would come home to Nick announcing that “SOMEONE CALLED”. “Who?”, I would ask. “I DON’T KNOW!!! SOMEONE – HE WAS YELLING AND I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HIM!!” The fact that he said “him” was also distressing to me since I was single at the time and was horrified to think that my deaf grandfather had frightened away a potential date...and I had no idea who called. Another time, a friend of mine came over – a large Asian man – and Nick was quick to address him, “HEY DUDE!!!” I held my breath for a few minutes and was grateful no racial comments followed after that…I was never quite sure what Nick would say.

Sometimes I’d drop him off at the fairgrounds where he could bet on the horses – one of his favorite activities, and one of my favorite reprieves. We would also take turns cooking dinner for the family – his favorite meal to cook was Mulligatawny Stew. This meant that Nick would throw meat, potatoes and any vegetable he could find into a pot. No matter how it looked – it always ended up tasting pretty good.

There were two things we could count on at dinner time with Nick. 1) He would always have bread. If we did not have some form of bread available, even a slice of wheat or white, you might thing we had just given him a plate of poop to eat. 2) From the first day we lived together I was guaranteed to hear one of the following things at dinner time: A) DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND YET?? B) WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? C) WHEN ARE GETTING MARRIED??? I WANT TO PARTY!!! D) YOU WILL MAKE SUCH A GOOD WIFE (This was reserved for times I had cooked). I was sad that Nick got too sick to attend my wedding last June – but I am happy that he met my husband and liked him.

A couple of years ago we were all gathered at a friends house to celebrate birthdays. There were about 12 of us sitting around the table eating when all of a sudden, Nick, who had been quiet all evening, started talking about a FAT WOMAN. You could have heard a pin drop...everyone stopped eating and talking and turned to stare at Nick with one uniform thought in our heads, “Oh dear god…where is this headed?” Finally, we realized that Nick was telling a joke, but those of us related to him shared the same look of panic as we wondered if Nick, who sometimes told some “questionable” jokes, was telling something appropriate for the dinner table. He got to the punch line, and everyone laughed as they also let out a sigh of relief. I will never remember the punch line, but I will always remember the look of relief on Jim’s face when he realized that Nick had told a clean joke, knowing that it could have so easily gone the other way…

Nick and I only lived together 3 months (he moved out first) but those three months remain stuck in my memory. During that time I got to know him better then my own grandfather, and I appreciated that bond with Nick. He did have a heart of gold, but I think his body gave out on him before his mind. He continued to see himself as a dashing ladies man (which in fact he was) and was ready to dance and party even in his late 80s. But the body said “no, please stop” and that just frustrated him, which made him even more cantankerous. That, combined with the lack of hearing, was a challenge to his family who wanted more then anything to help him, yet simultaneously wanted to strangle him at times as well.

No matter how much interaction one had with Nick, whether a little or a lot, there is no doubt that everyone will have funny memories. Considering his desire to laugh and party, I think the only fitting way to honor him is to crack open that Champagne bottle and give him a proper toast. “HERE’S TO NICK!”