The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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When I was five or six years old I received a box of wood for Christmas.   The disappointment I felt when opening that gift was almost equal to, but not nearly the same, as the disappointment I felt the year Santa brought me a box of material (later to be made into a dress by my grandma).   It turned out that the wood was a make-it-yourself doll-house kit and it became something much grander then just slats of wood which lasted a lifetime (the dress might have lasted a year).  The money to purchase the kit originally came from my Grandpa but the people who spent the most time working on the dollhouse through the years were my Grandma, Mom and Pop, and sometimes me.  For someone who seems to have kept everything, I cannot find any photos from those early days of building the dollhouse.   But I have many memories of the process, so we must have worked on it quite a lot.

This dollhouse was a classic and it had everything.  Three floors, 4 bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen and a main dining/living room.  First, my mom and dad worked together to build it, and I played with it in its raw un-painted state for a few years.  Then, my Grandma got involved and took it to the next level over the next many years.  Once we painted it, the house was blue, the roof a darker blue and the balconies and windows were all white.  I recall picking out these colors.  Through the years my grandmother helped to decorate it by making a lot of the bedding and curtains.  Once the house was built I remember working with Grandma and Mom to put up wallpaper and install carpet.  Every single holiday following the box of wood, I received dollhouse accessories.  Furniture, food, people –    It was literally a showpiece, and in the house that I lived in from ages 8 to 20, it was on display in the front room.  People might recall the blue house that sat to the left of the TV if they ever visited.  Unfortunately, by the time it was fully complete and decorated, I was getting too old to really be into dollhouses.  I appreciated the novelty and uniqueness of it, and I enjoyed decorating it each Christmas time with it’s own miniature version of a Christmas tree, lights and wreaths, but I wasn’t at an age where I would spend any length of time making up imaginary tales for the family that lived there. And yet still, we held onto it. 

When my mom sold my childhood home, she took the dollhouse with her and it remained in storage at her house for years.  We would talk about it occasionally all those years I was single... “what do you want to do with it?”  “I don’t know, but I’m not ready to get rid of it.”  We talked about it when I got married (and kids were a vague distant thought).  “what do you want to do with it?” “I don’t know, but I’m not ready to get rid of it.”  Then my son was born.  “What do you want to do with it?”  “I don’t know.. let’s see if Jingle might like it later….”.    And then two things happened 1) We bought a house that had storage, and 2) we had a daughter.  I’m not sure which one my mom may have been more excited about – the fact that she was having a granddaughter, or the fact that she could finally unload this dollhouse on me.

And, for the last three years, it sat in a closet downstairs.  Miraculously never found by either of my children.   The box of furniture and accessories was stored under the house.  I hadn’t looked in that box, nor studied the dollhouse since I was around 20 and my childhood home was sold.

Then, last week, for my daughter’s third birthday, we decided to clean it up, pull out all the furniture, and give it to her.  I had spent weeks cleaning up the downstairs in order to turn it into a playroom so that there was space to hold such a large piece.  My mom came over on Savvy’s birthday (while she was out of the house) and spent hours cleaning and decorating the dollhouse with everything.  It was a true walk down memory lane seeing all of these miniature pieces that I hadn’t seen in twenty years.   I had temporarily forgotten all of the love, attention and detail that had gone into the house.   The people were still dressed in their 70’s clothing.  The furniture in the front room looks like it was literally shrunk down from the furniture we used to have in our cabin in the late 70s, early 80s.   There is a sewing machine and a rotary phone.  There are bunk-beds, a crib, and even a tiny Monopoly board.  I decided that rather than place all of those tiny accessories into the house it would be fun to let my son do it, so that he could feel a part of the gift too.

When our kids got home that day, we called them downstairs for their surprise.   They were so happy to see the dollhouse.  My son even registered the fact that it used to belong to me.  They know it’s special.  They have also already broken some items, but I can’t let myself be concerned about it.   Because, after 35 years, since receiving a box of wood one Christmas, the dollhouse is actually being played with, as it was intended.    The look of happiness on the kids’ faces that day was only out-measured by the look of love and pride on my mom’s face when she saw their reaction to it.  And, we both couldn’t help but think of my Grandma who made the house a home.

The dollhouse master and her onlooking admirers

A Day of Noise and Silence

It is eerily quiet in my house right now.  Both of my kids are asleep, and I too just got up from a little nap.  How did this happen??  This is not a complaint or a worry mind you… it is a question of, how can I repeat this daily??  

Eight short hours ago it was not so quiet.  My daughter was having a tantrum over who knows what, while my son chattered on incessantly about who knows what.  I had been trying to get my daughter to come to the table for breakfast and this set her off the first time.  That, and the fact that her brother took the iPad from her and turned it off.  He was doing exactly as I requested, but you know how it goes… it doesn’t matter what Mama may have wanted, it was NOT what Savvy wanted.  Then, she didn’t want to come to eat and claimed she DID NOT WANT CEREAL!  I just let her cry it out on the couch and didn’t worry too much whether or not she did eat since I know she always gets breakfast again at her daycare, and usually likes their food better anyway.  So, I sat down with Jingle and we ate.  She occasionally shouted from the couch to remind us that she DID NOT WANT CEREAL.  Finally she wandered over so she could quietly remind me up close that she did not want cereal.   I said calmly, “that’s fine.  Go pick out some socks then.”  And to my surprise she did and she brought them back so I could help her get them on.  So, I thought the tantrum was behind us, and I ate her cereal.  That set off the next one “I WANTED MY CEREAL!!” She yelled.  “Well, I’m sorry, you said you didn’t so I ate it.  And now we don’t have time for a second breakfast session.” At which point she collapsed onto the ground and began crying.  Then, my son starts giving a play by play of her tantrum… why she’s having one, what she’s doing wrong, why she should stop…   Her crying sounds alone, I could handle, but his chatter layered over the crying – because he also follows me around as he announces what’s happening, and expects responses from me – was a little more noise then I could handle.   At one point I tried to pick up my daughter to carry her closer to the door and her shoes as ultimately we really did need to leave.  But, sadly, I’ve realized, she has reached that age and size, where that is not so easy anymore, especially when she plays boneless.  So, I left her where she was, and brought the shoes to her.  I DON’T WANT THOSE! (Of course not, I should have known right?  I mean she wanted them the last 5 days, so the law of averages when it comes to children’s decisions means that she would not want them today.)   Fine.. (sigh)…I continued to get myself ready and sent my son out to unlock the car as I mustered up enough energy to pick her up and haul her to the car myself, with or without shoes.  I said to Jingle, “now we have to drop you off first so you’re not late.”.  Suddenly Savvy, from across the room, stops crying. “What?” she asks, “What did you say?”.  I said that we have to drop off Jingle first.  “Oh! Does that mean I can come in too?”  (Which it does since I can’t leave her in the car).  And suddenly she’s up, grabs the shoes she so vehemently despised two minutes prior and announces, “I’m not crying anymore” sweet as can be. 

That was my morning.  But my afternoon was different.   We are having a wintery summer day here in San Francisco, which means that where I live, it’s barely 60 degrees and it’s windy and foggy.  It makes me want to hole up inside and do nothing.   I picked the kids up in the afternoon and we went to Trader Joe’s.   They had both had lunch, but I had not yet eaten, so I knew I was potentially asking for trouble.  I am known to get horrible cases of the hangrys (hungry and angry).   I told myself to keep it together in the store, but I also made sure the kids knew I was very hungry which is code for “watch out for Mama”.  Bless Trader Joe’s and their mini kid carts.  I used to hate them, but now that the kids can actually navigate them without driving into my heels, or other people, it makes shopping fun for them.   We got our things and I picked up something for lunch at home.  When we got to the car, I announced “when we get home, the first thing I am going to do is eat lunch. You guys can watch one show [so you will leave me alone while I eat] and then Savvy can take a nap.”  We did this and Savvy went off to nap.  But, I was really sleepy too, thanks to the dreary weather and full belly, so I told Jingle that I was going to lay down for a half hour and he could watch one more show on his own.  Twenty minutes into my nap he came and lay down with me.   Ten minutes after that he said he was going to lie down in his own bed.  Okay!!   And, a short while later, I had the moment of realization that both my kids were asleep in their own room.   I napped a little longer then half hour, and then forced myself out of bed to take advantage of this quiet time.  Afterall, I needed to write a blog entry.

The Family Audition

About a month ago I posted this on Facebook:  “My family and I auditioned for a reality show today about something or other. If they want to film the most boring family ever, we just might get chosen! On another note though we had a big busy day today even before the audition and nobody had a meltdown. Matthew was great.”.  

It was one of those posts that leave you hanging (for those that care for details) so I thought it might be time to follow up on what that was all about.  It all started when my husband told me “I submitted our family for an audition” and we had been called to come in person.

“oh? What for?”

“I’m not sure, some family thing, I had to submit a heart-felt story”

“What story did you tell?”

“The one where Jingle was born 5 weeks early and how he had to stay in the NICU for awhile and how friends told us they weren’t sure he’d survive.”

“Friends told you they didn’t think he’d survive???” [This was news to me – that thought had never crossed my mind.]

So, while I dwelled on the story, I also inquired as to the specifics.   What are we supposed to wear?  What are we supposed to do?  The answers were vague… they just said wear something you’re comfortable in.   I don’t know what they are going to ask us.  Oh, and by the way, the audition was the same day as Jingle’s kindergarten graduation, which was a full day at the local park for all of us, and three classes of kindergartners.  And no, we could not reschedule.

So…the audition day came… we prepped the kids as best we could…”listen, after the park, Jingle has to go back to class for a short while, Mama, Daddy, and Savvy will change clothes and we’ll bring clothes for Jingle.  Then we need to rush to BART to go downtown.”    Seriously, while intrigued that we had a family audition, the thought of dragging our tired family on a train was not at all appealing.  But, the four of us held it together, and I think we were all excited about what we were going to do.

We got to the place and waited for our turn while the kids had snacks and played games on the iPhone.  Every chance I could I asked Matt, “what are we supposed to do/say in the audition?” and every time he answered the same “I’m not sure”.  He had forwarded me the email that he received, and it was equally vague.

Finally, we were called in to the room and all four of us sat on a tiny bench in front of a video camera while a lady asked us some questions.   First it was the basics… our names, the kids ages, and then Matt had to start to tell his story.   We were all so tired, the story sounded flat, and I was more nervous about Jingle hearing the part where “people thought he wouldn’t survive” then launching us into his questions of “what?? Why wouldn’t I survive? What are you talking about…?”  Luckily Matt glazed over that part and Jingle didn’t hear it.   Then the lady asked “Do you have any family traditions?”  [Blink, Blink].  ‘um’.   ‘um.’….well, we do this thing where we always joke about who the silliest person in the family is? “  [Every single meal time and it drives Mama crazy].  After that, I don’t even know what was said, but it seemed pretty bland.  We finished and left, not thinking we’d ever hear anything again.

And yet, we did!  We were asked to come back two weeks later for a Callback Audition.  This time, we had no big plans on the same day, so the kids and I were relaxed and took our time getting dressed and ‘pretty’.   Daddy still had to go to work, so he met us there.   We tried to discuss any traditions we had, but still were coming up blank.  I think the biggest tradition we have in my family is that my uncle dresses up as Santa Claus every year and comes to the house on Christmas Eve, but that’s not something you can share when the kids are sitting on your lap.

As we sat in the waiting room the second time, I was listening (eavesdropping) to others who were there who seemed to know more about this audition than we did.  I got a sense that the people in the room really wanted to hear Jingle speak more than the rest of us.  So, I took him aside and let him know that he was encouraged to speak when he wanted to and also to be confident!  At times, my son has the confidence of five people, and he certainly can talk, but at other times when he’s a little unsure, he reverts to baby talk and it’s difficult to understand him.  But, he’s already wise on the audition scene (I think he’s wiser than his Mama) and takes direction really well, so he was all over this.

We get in the room and again pile onto the tiny bench, but this time there were at least 5 other people in the room with us.  One of the men started to ask us again about Family Traditions.  We fumbled through with stories about our clock and bedtime routines, and I discussed Santa in very vague terms (which was met with a response of “oh, Santa comes to your house on Christmas Eve?” While I’m sure he was really implying “You do know many people think he comes to their house right?!”)

Jacob was talking a lot, and the more he talked, the more Savvy wanted to interject her thoughts, so the kids were doing great.  At some point we got on the subject of Grandma coming to our house weekly, and suddenly all 5 people lit up and started asking questions…”What do you do with Grandma?”   

“Fold clothes, play animals…” Jingle responds…

“What do you mean ‘play animals’?”   They inquired.

At this point I think both Matt and I knew to just shut up because we didn’t even know quite how to answer this, but Jingle did.  He told them all about his carpet that has a river, and trees and footprints and how they go on adventures with their stuffed animals.

“What makes Grandma so good at playing animals?” they asked.  And again, Matt and I stayed silent.   And, with pure innocence, Jingle thought about this carefully “ummm…” he said as he shrugged his shoulders, and then, as cutely as anyone could ever respond, said “Because she’s Grandma!!”

And…Scene.

We ultimately did not get the part, but I was so proud of the kids for how they behaved in there.  They were engaged and trying, and I felt they did far better then I did.   If something like this presents itself again, we will keep trying, not so much because we’re dying to get a gig, but just because the adventure of it was fun.  Oh, who am I kidding, it would also be fun to be cast.

When To Use a Time-Out

Last weekend when my daughter was still pretending like she may want to be potty-trained, (she gave up the thought when she realized she would not get a present each and every time she used the potty) she was sitting on the toilet when her big brother came into the room “to keep her company”.   At first she was fine with it, but then I could hear her yelling at him when I left the room.  I came back to find out what was wrong.  “Jacob needs a time out!” she says.  ‘Oh really, why is that?” I inquired… “Because he’s bothering me.” What he was in fact doing was sitting in the bathtub.  Just because.  He was fully clothed, and there was no water involved, but he just thought it was fun to sit there.  And that bothered his sister.  Technically, I don’t think he was doing anything wrong, but I did try to explain to him that some people (aka ME) would prefer to have privacy when going potty so could he please leave.   I also explained to Savvy that I could not give Jacob a time out just because he was bothering her by sitting in the bathtub.   After the talking, Jacob never left, but at least Savvy stopped yelling at him.

I was surprised by her request to give him a time-out because we don’t use that punishment too much in our house.   Not that we disagree with it, but overall they are pretty good kids, and they have to be behaving pretty badly to warrant a time out.  I chuckled at the thought of Savvy believing that Jacob deserved a time-out just because he was bothering her.  I mean, if I truly gave the kids a timeout each time they bothered me, well then, they might be in their rooms quite a lot!

“Stop shouting, I can hear you just fine. I am right HERE”  You get a time-out!

“Don’t make me ask you to set the table for a third time!” You get a time out!

“Time to wash your hands… Please go wash your hands now…GO wash your HANDS!” TIME OUT (AND GO WASH YOUR HANDS!)

“Please stop asking me what a ‘raffle’ is.  I have explained it five times before, but you won’t listen to the answer.” You get a time-out.

“If I ask you to do something for me, like get a diaper, stop asking me “why?” first. Just do it!” You get a time-out to think about why that is.

“Stop repeating yourself over and over.  I heard you the first time.” You get a time out. You get a time out. You get a time out. You get a time out. You get a time out. You get a time out.

“Stop following me into the bathroom. Please shut the door on your way out. Shut the  door.  SHUT THE DOOR.” Time out.

You know, just saying “Time Out!!” in my head when I’m annoyed is making me feel better already! 

Summer, Day 1

So, this is what summer is like.

I am still home full time, and last Friday my son ‘graduated’ from kindergarten.  That means he is home full time now too .  At least this week.  Starting next week, I have him in half-day camps so that I can still use the mornings to search for work.  My daughter has half-time care for June, but after that our situation is a bit up in the air, and I’m not yet sure what July will look like.  But, after today, I think I need to get a job STAT.   Man, I love my kids, but they are exhausting!

This morning started off with a very unusual situation.  For Mother’s Day, my husband had given me a gift of a mother-daughter photo shoot.   This came about because he had a father-son photo shoot almost a year ago which turned out great.  I was really excited and had our outfits all planned out.  This photo shoot is unique because it was to resemble old-time pictures.  Not the kind where you dress up in cowboy outfits and hold guns in sepia-toned photos, but the kind that are kind of a stern old fashioned look.  I tried to get my daughter excited about it and tried to get my son to get my daughter excited about it but she would have none of it.  For two hours we traipsed around Stern Grove trying to get her to 1) stay still, 2) look at the camera and 3) either smile if Mama was smiling or look serious if Mama looked serious.   As the pictures progressed, I just became more and more miserable and it showed in the photos.   Savvy wouldn’t look at the camera unless it was to grimace and Jacob was bouncing around behind the photographer yelling “Mama! Mama! Mama!...Mama!”   [This was half hour into the miserable shoot]

“WHAT IS IT?!”

“I finished my apple!”

“Then throw it away!!!!”

“What did Jacob want?” asked Savvy

[Oh.. now she chooses to engage…]

Jacob wasn’t supposed to be part of the shoot, but once I knew he was to be joining us, I didn’t want him to feel totally left out so he got dressed up too and took a couple photos.  The best one of the day is of the two of them together.  So much for mother-daughter…

I tried bribing Savvy with snacks, with flowers, with the promise of going to a park afterwards.. but nothing worked.  Finally we called it quits.

Back home to eat lunch.  Then back out again to a park with a playground.  My intention was to wear them out so hopefully they might nap in the afternoon.  Yeah, right.  We worked out a deal that they would stay in their room and play quietly or read for one hour.  Within the first half hour they’d both come out  three times.  By 40 minutes, Savvy was downstairs sitting on my lap in front of the computer.

I currently have them parked on the couch watching a show.  I’ve been looking for work a bit online, but realizing that this is not going to be easy.  Not only will it be a challenge to find quiet time at the computer for any length of time this summer, but the house will forever be messy because we are here all the time!  I have not proven to be very effective at house cleaning since I lost my job, and I’m afraid that will only go downhill from here…

And, on top of this.. our summer weather has hit.   Where I live,  that means it is a permanent overcast sixty to seventy degree day.  I HATE having to wear coats to the park in summertime!

Okay, rant over.  I’ll give it some time.  We all need a chance to settle in. 

Here’s the photo that inspired us to do a mother-daughter shoot.  

And here's a hint of the photos we took today: